By: Kelley Lauginiger
Groovesafe: Let’s Talk about Consent, Baby
The lights go down. Tardy wooks scuttle abound to get in position, but you’re in the pocket in a good spot with your crew, ready to rock. Maybe you have a boa on. Maybe you are wearing sunglasses inside. It’s time to leave the world behind for awhile and dance about it. But, a few notes in, you notice that the hand brushing your backside and grabbing you isn’t just someone dancing or one of your friends, and bottom-line: you’re not interested. It’s dark and loud, and you don’t want to cause a scene, so you just try to dance away. Just as you start to get comfortable again, the resounding groping grows. You’re being touched again, when you don’t want to be touched.
For so many of us this is all too familiar, or worse. Sexual assault and unwanted touching at shows are no joke. That’s why Ashley Driscoll founded GrooveSafe. “The behaviors are still happening,” Driscoll said when asked how her first year of GrooveSafe has impacted the live music community. “The more people are finding out what I’m doing, and the more GrooveSafe is more on people’s minds, the more people can use it as a tool to work together to stop groping and unwanted touching at shows.”
What Do You Mean? This Has Never Happened to Me.
If this hasn’t happened to you or a friend, consider yourselves lucky. If this is the case, please try to consider that this is a very real problem that occurs at shows, even if it hasn’t happened to you or someone you know. According to Driscoll, something she didn’t expect is how many people think she’s some sort of sensationalist for launching GrooveSafe, siting that it can’t really be that big of a problem. Driscoll noted in response, “Do you think I’d start a whole organization; a movement, if it wasn’t happening to me and tons of people I know on a regular basis?” Nope.
It does happen. Time and time again. To all genders, in all states of sobriety and inebriation, and in all lengths of skirts and cargo shorts. And no one asks for it because of how he or she is dressed, or anything else for that matter. It’s just not okay.
Truly animalistic shit goes on at a dark rock show when drugs, alcohol, and lots of beautiful babies get together. No doubt about it. But there are boundaries we must reclaim regarding personal space, and we really need to Speak Up, like Bayliss says, and help each other out when we see this stuff going on. If you see something, say something. Seriously, help each other out.
What I Learned Chatting with GrooveSafe Founder Ashley Driscoll
After about an hour’s conversation with Driscoll, I felt like we could do anything. The time is near, the mission is clear, and her compassion and empathy for victims dealing with trauma has catalyzed an entire movement. Hear how her answers came in action below.
Q: If you’re being touched, groped, or anything of that nature in an unwanted manner, what is the correct protocol? We say, “see something, say something,” but to whom? The security guards? People around you? What’s the move?
A: Great question. I’m still trying to find out what the proper protocol: emotionally, psychologically, and legally. People always say, “grab the head of security.” But that doesn’t always work, as we learned from the story at MSG where a female concertgoer went up to the guard and got a sexist response back about what the the groper looked like.
And sometimes, you don’t know who did it. We say to watch out for one another, and we absolutely should, but once it happens, it’s already happened, and you sometimes can’t even tell who did it. Then you’re already a victim and who are you “telling on?” So, it all starts with awareness. If people start to re-learn the body safety requirements, then they will be more conditioned or deterred from doing those actions.
Q: Great point.
A: I mean, if you’re on camera at a bank, you’re not gonna go up and grab someone’s boobs. You can’t, because you already know there are serious consequences, and it is seriously illegal. The goal, and my hope, is that the more people talk about it in the music scene, and the more awareness is out there, people will start to realize more that those behaviors won’t fly, and that there are consequences, even if it’s subconsciously. To know that they’re not going to get away with it because people are watching out for it and won’t be turning the other cheek.
I get a lot of push-back from venues with legal reasons of why they don’t want to provide a safe space. They don’t want to be held accountable for the things that happen on their grounds.
Q: But aren’t they responsible, to some degree, for safety at their events?
A: Yes. That’s why this is mind-blowing to me. Many sexual assaults go unreported for various reasons: drama, or they don’t know who did it or what to do, even if they did, or any number of personal reasons.
For instance, at The Gorge, they sited no reports of sexual assaults happening (during the July three-day-camping Phish run), but they told me and tagged GrooveSafe in a number of stories! The victims, I mean. So, even the authorities are unaware of how much this is happening, or even that it is happening at all.
As GrooveSafe, I get a lot of stories from people about sexual assaults and their experiences with unwanted touching and groping. But I can’t tell the police on their behalf. So it goes back to victims feeling safe and feeling equipped on “what to do,” and I’m really working on getting a plan together for that.
Q: So are you kind of a lifeline for victims to be able to tell their stories?
A: I hope to be in some way; as a a place for people to connect. I’m adding a testimonial page to my website, which is going to have unlimited stories, but you won’t have to use your real name or social media profile. You can just be “Suzy24” and tell your story there. If the page has between 10-25 stories up, even, when people scroll through, they can realize that it wasn’t just a random butt-slap they experienced. That this is a widespread problem, and we want it to stop. Having true testimonials will be eye-opening research, as well as a place for people to share their stories.
Q: Is this something you’re licensed in? Are you able to advise victims?
A: I do have a Psychology degree. But, legal stuff is weird! I don’t want to overstep or do something I’m not supposed to. I want to get licensed and be a true resource for victims. But for now, I want to host this safe space for people. Any of my booths at festivals for GrooveSafe are a safe space for you to come in and hang and chill, and relax. If you want to talk about it, cool; if you want to just hang and decompress, that’s cool. It sells itself, I mean, come on, I’m trying to stop people from attacking and sexually assaulting others.
Q: It sounds so simple, and most people would say they agree with this, but yet: it’s still happening.
A: Oh, all the time. This is uncharted waters, kind of. I’m okay with people thinking of GrooveSafe as a work-in-progress. We’re still trying to figure out the best solutions, and the best way to stand up against this problem. You can’t do this in public, but for some reason at concerts, people think it’s okay. Self-expression is not an invitation. Just because people are dancing and moving their bodies, doesn’t mean you can go up and touch it.
Q: Kind of like an art gallery…
A: Yes, exactly. Just because it’s beautiful, you can’t just go grab it.
Q: So what can people do who want to get involved?
A: The best thing people can do is talk about this stuff, when they’re ready of course. The more we talk about it, the more people will realize it’s a real problem and hopefully we can work to stop sexual assaults and unwanted touching all together. I want people to see the GrooveSafe logo and think of it as a symbol of “keep your hands to yourself.” Ways to spread GrooveSafe awareness include liking our social media (GrooveSafe social media pages here), donating so we can make more buttons to hand out with the logo (Paypal here), and joining our street team (Street Team Facebook here).
Look for Ashley “Stash” Driscoll and the GrooveSafe team at PhanArt events, on various shakedowns, or at a festival near you next summer. Already a GrooveSafe supporter? Share your photos wearing the GrooveSafe button at live music events with Ashley via Facebook for a chance to be shared on the GrooveSafe Instagram. Read Ashley’s full backstory here.
